Sunday, October 7, 2012

Obama Says GE Profits Under Welch “Probably Made Up” (October 7, 2012)

Obama Says GE Profits Under Welch “Probably Made Up”

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Obama speculated today that General Electric’s profits during the 20-year reign of Jack Welch were “probably all made up.”  Obama took a break from a grueling campaign schedule to look back on the storied career of the GE executive.

“You know, Jack was a young guy when he took over back in 1981.  He felt a lot of pressure to produce.  It’s a big company, and this was pre-Enron, you know, and I bet he just cooked the books to make it look like he was some kind of superstar,” Obama mused.  “It’s probably all a crock.”  Under Welch GE profits seemed to grow substantially over the last two decades of the century.

The President continued, “You know, they just found out Bernie Madoff started his Ponzi scheme back in the 70’s, and he wasn’t exposed until what, two, three years ago?  Jack’s era is tucked well within that, and of course Jeff Immelt {current GE CEO, hand-picked by Welsh as his successor} couldn’t say anything because he owes it all to Jack.”

The President concluded his off-the-cuff remarks by speculating that Immelt probably buried the actual losses he found within GE’s financial statements in the early part of the last decade.  “You know, it was probably just like what happened to me….Immelt came in and discovered the whole situation was far worse that had been reported.  But he just hid the shit.  And Jack got to keep the jet, the car, the package.“

“At least…“ Obama smiled and winked, “…until Jack had the affair with the Harvard Business Review editor and then that messy divorce.  Who’s had more wives, him or Newt, anyway?”

When asked if he had any evidence to support any of his claims, the President rocked back in his chair and laughed.  “Evidence?  Who the hell needs that?”

Welch could not be reached for comment. 

1 comment:

  1. Haha! We can all use some comic relief right about now. Great parody!!!!


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